Why Do Abusers Batter?
Abusive men batter women as a means
of power and control: to manipulate, intimidate and rule their intimate
partners.
They often appear charming and attentive
to outsiders and, at first, even to their partners. Many batterers are
very good at disguising their abusive behavior to appear socially acceptable.
Once they develop a relationship with a partner, however, they become
more and more abusive.
Characteristics of abusers:
Domestic violence perpetrators seek to control the thoughts, beliefs
and behavior of a partner and punish the partner if she resists. They
are impulsive, minimize the severity of the violence, have little trust
in others and feel a need to always be in control.
The abuser denies and minimizes
his behavior and insists that it is the victim’s fault: she should
have had dinner ready, kept the children quiet, etc. But
abusers are always responsible for their own behavior.
The
cause of abusive behavior:
Abusive behavior is learned. It is learned
through observation of others in one’s environment: one’s
family, culture, or community. Perhaps the abuser regularly saw a dominant
figure in his family rule with verbal, emotional or physical abuse.
He thinks such behavior is the correct thing to do.
Contributing
factors:
Abuse is not caused by substance abuse or mental illness, although these
factors may make the abuse more severe and complicate the problem.
All battering is dangerous; one
push or shove can result in death. Battering increases in frequency
and severity over time. Certain behaviors, actions and words by an abuser,
however, indicate particular danger for you. If you see any of these
in your abuser, you should know that your relationship
can become deadly.
If any of the following applies
to your abuser, you are in danger!
• The batterer threatens suicide
or homicide. If he says he will kill himself, understand that this likely
means he will kill you as well.
• The batterer fantasizes about
homicide or suicide. If he sees this as a "solution" to his
problems, he may attempt it. Be extremely concerned if your abuser threatens
to kill himself. Usually, it means he plans to kill you first.
• The batterer possesses weapons.
If your abuser owns weapons and has used them or threatened to use them,
he has a potential for lethal assault. The use of guns is a strong predictor
of homicide.
• If your abuser believes you
"belong to him," or professes “death before divorce,”
he is more likely to be life endangering.
• If your abuser “idolizes”
you or depends heavily on you to sustain him and has isolated himself
from others, it is likely he will retaliate against you if you decide
to end the relationship.
• Separation violence: If your
abuser believes you will leave him and he can't imagine life without
you, he may try to kill you. Many homicides occur when a woman is leaving
her abusive partner. Please understand how dangerous this time is. Seventy-five
percent of women are seriously injured when they leave or try to leave
an abusive relationship.
• Escalating danger: When your
batterer begins to act more and more as if he has no regard for the
consequences of his actions – legal or otherwise – you are
at extremely increased risk of danger.
– “Lethality Risk
Factors” by Barbara Kidd,National Domestic Violence Prevention
Trainer
Additional
risk factors:
• Previous relationship battery
• Substance abuse
Domestic
Violence
