Teen
Dating Violence
Statistics
• About one in three high school students have been or will be
involved in an abusive relationship.
• Forty percent of teenage
girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit
or beaten by a boyfriend.
• In one study, from 30 to
50 percent of female high school students reported having already experienced
teen dating violence.
• Teen dating violence most
often takes place in the home of one of the partners.
• In 1995, 7 percent of all
murder victims were young women who were killed by their boyfriends.
• One in five or 20 percent
of dating couples report some type of violence in their relationship.
• One of five college females
will experience some form of dating violence.
• A survey of 500 young women,
ages 15 to 24, found that 60 percent were currently involved in an ongoing
abusive relationship and all participants had experienced violence in
a dating relationship.
• One study found that 38 percent
of date rape victims were young women from 14 to 17 years of age.
• A survey of adolescent and
college students revealed that date rape accounted for 67 percent of
sexual assaults.
• More than half young women
raped (68 percent) knew their rapist either as a boyfriend, friend or
casual acquaintance.
• Six out of 10 rapes of young
women occur in their own home or a friend or relative's home, not in
a dark alley.
• More than 4 in every 10 incidents
of domestic violence involves non-married persons
(Bureau of Justice Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence, May 2000)
Dating Violence
– Early Warning Signs
It may be difficult for teens to recognize abuse or the early signs
of possible violence in a relationship. Even if they do recognize it,
they may not know what to do about it. Confusion about or fear of what
may happen if parents or teachers find out, may prevent a teen from
asking for help. Here are some signs of coming or actual abuse:
Jealousy
and possessiveness Jealousy
is a common experience for teens in relationships. It becomes a warning
sign when someone treats you as if you are property and does not want
you to share your time or give your attention to anyone else. Frequent
accusations of infidelity are a strong warning sign. Jealousy is often
rationalized by saying it is a sign of love, but it is actually a sign
of insecurity and distrust and shows a need to feel in control.
Controlling
attitude One
partner rules the relationship, makes all the decisions and disregards
the other’s point of view. This includes telling the other how
to dress, whom the partner can talk to, when and with whom the partner
can socialize, etc.
Alcohol
and drug abuse Alcohol
and drug use reduce the abuser’s self-control and are often used
as an excuse for abusive behavior, but they are not the cause of violence.
Use of alcohol and/or drugs by the abuser can endanger the victim by
making it hard for that person to notice other warning signs of abusive
behavior when they occur.
Explosive
temper
This includes sudden, unpredictable mood swings, being easily upset
by small annoyances, and using violence to solve problems (fighting;
hitting walls, cars, lockers, siblings; threatening others with violence,
etc.).
Blaming
and justifying The
abuser denies responsibility for faults by shifting the responsibility
to someone or something else or explaining the behavior as necessary
and unavoidable. The abuser makes excuses when confronted and blames
someone else for the behavior (“If you hadn’t made me mad
I wouldn’t have…..”)
Lying
This includes saying untrue things, leaving
out parts of the truth or pretending to agree when the person doesn’t.
Lying is used to maintain control over information and to confuse and
make a fool of the other person. This can make the victim feel uncertain,
confused and even crazy.
Gender-stereotypical
beliefs Potential
abusers think that women should be passive, weak, dependent on men;
should groom themselves according to men’s preferences, etc. They
think that men should be strong, unemotional, in control, decision-makers
in relationships, etc.
Growing
up in a violent family People
who have grown up in homes where they, their mother or siblings were
abused have learned that violence is normal behavior.
Any use
of force Other
early forms of abuse are:
• Forcing someone to stay in a car, room or house, even by blocking
the exit
• Restraining someone by using an arm or holding someone down
• Driving too fast with someone in a car
• Not allowing a person to leave the room
• Saying, “I’m doing this for your own good.”
Often these acts are justified by saying it is a sign of love and commitment.
Ignoring
Ignoring or withholding affection is a way of punishing another person.
Someone who ignores your ideas, your words, your wishes, your needs,
etc., is likely to ignore your feelings, fears and safety in an argument
or conflict situation.
Isolation
Exclusivity
is an indicator of coming abuse. This includes:
• Wanting to be alone with you all the time
• Discouraging your relationships with friends and family by saying
negative things about them or trying to convince you they don’t
like you.
• Telling you that she or he is the only one who really cares about
you.
• Asking you to give up extracurricular activities so you can be
together.
Teens may be surprised to
learn that it is illegal to use physical force against those they are
dating. Don’t be afraid to talk to an adult about your relationships
- friendships, family, dating relationships. While friends can be a
tremendous source of support, it’s also important to have adults
in your life whom you feel you can trust. Think of two or three adults
you feel you can trust. Remember that help is also available to you
from your teacher, school counselor and school resource officer. There
is help available. Keeping things to yourself may leave you feeling
more isolated and may allow the abuse to escalate. Abuse often grows
in silence.
Domestic
Violence
