Barriers to Leaving
• Family background
• Messages passed down to the
daughter:
– “Men are in control; you have no choice but to obey. “
– “A woman’s place is in the home. “
– A woman stands by her man, no matter what. “
– Marriage is for life; children need a father and mother. “
– It’s the woman’s responsibility to hold the marriage
together. “
– Divorce is a personal failure. “
• Moral dilemmas
• Theological dilemmas
• If her religious convictions
lead her to believe that a wife is subordinate to her husband or that
marriage is a lifetime commitment, those convictions seem to have the
sanction of God.
• Fear: it keeps women from
seeking change.
• Staying is a known condition;
leaving is an unknown.
• Fear of revenge
• Dependency
• Emotional: it keeps pulling
her back.
• There are mixed messages:
a love-hate feeling.
• She believes there are parts
of the relationship or her partner that still attract her.
• Economic: any loss of income
will alter her standard of living. Most women cannot afford the loss
of income.
• Learned helplessness
– When she is repeatedly abused, she begins to believe she can
do nothing to stop it.
– The abuse continues despite her attempts to stop it.
– She becomes convinced she is permanently helpless.
– She becomes passive and depressed and feels powerless to control
her life.
– She gives up and loses her ability to think ahead and make plans
for her safety.
• She loves him. She lives
for the good times in between the abuse.
• She keeps hoping he’ll
change. After the battering occurs, they talk, he says he’s sorry,
and she’s sure he’ll change because he sees how hurt she is.
• Denial is a defense mechanism
to ignore the reality of a situation or the need to leave.
– “He didn’t mean it.”
– “He was under pressure from his job.”
– “His father used to beat him.”
– “He needs understanding.”
– “He had a little too much to drink.”
– “He promised me he wouldn’t do it again.”
– “I should have had dinner ready for him.”
– “He loves me.”
• Lack of support. Without
support from friends, family, co-workers and community resources, women
often stay trapped in abusive relationships
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Domestic
Violence
