Battering & Abuse in Lesbian,
Bisexual and Trans Communities: Myths & Facts
MYTH Battering/abuse does
not exist in lesbian, bisexual and transgender communities; only men
abuse women.
FACT Domestic violence does exist among
lesbian, bisexual and transgender people and in sexual minority communities;
it is not a problem limited to heterosexual relationships. The extent
and severity of abuse in these communities is becoming increasingly
evident. A 10-year, 10-city study published in 1998 by the National
Coalition of Anti-Violence Projects found that 25-33% of same-sex relationships
involve abuse. Despite fear and community denial, more and more bisexual,
transgender, lesbian and gay folks are speaking about battering and
abuse in their relationships.
MYTH Domestic violence only
affects certain groups of queer people.
FACT Violence and abuse are found in
all parts of our community. No group, regardless of race, class, ethnicity,
gender identity, age, ability, education, politics, religion or lifestyle,
is free from domestic violence. Being abusive is not determined by size,
strength, or economic status. Lesbian, bisexual and transgender people
who batter or abuse can be friendly, physically un-intimidating, sociable
and charming. People who are battered or abused can be strong, capable
and dynamic.
MYTH In same-sex relationships,
the problem is really fighting or "mutual battering," not
domestic violence.
FACT Abuse is about a pattern of controlling
behaviors. Although either or both partners may use violence, batterers
do so to increase their control over their partners. Survivors have
used violence for many reasons. Some include: self-defense, desperation,
anger, and to try to stop the abuse. When survivors use violence, the
results are complicated. We may be arrested, disbelieved by friends
about the abuse, or guilted into staying longer in the relationship
to "make up for" our actions. Using violence to survive is
a sign that something is wrong -- making a plan to get support is important.
MYTH If the abuse becomes
too bad, people can leave an abusive or violent partner easily.
FACT Battering relationships are rarely
only violent or abusive. They also utilize the isolation and targeting
that occurs in the larger, straight community to cut off survivors'
access to support, safe shelter, or community. Also, love, caring and
remorse are often part of the pattern of abuse. This can leave a survivor
feeling confused and ambivalent about what she is experiencing. Emotional
or economic dependency, shame, or isolation can make leaving seem impossible.
MYTH Factors such as substance
abuse, stress, childhood violence or provocation is the real cause of
battering and abuse.
FACT A batterer chooses to be violent
and is responsible for her behavior. Individuals and communities deny
this responsibility, and we come up with excuses. Alcohol and drug use
may become part of the dynamics of abuse, but they do not cause domestic
violence. Stopping substance abuse does not guarantee that the battering
will stop. Most sexual minority people experience some kind of stress
and many have experienced childhood violence, but there is no direct
cause and effect relationship between these factors and domestic violence.
There is no justification for domestic violence.
Source: The Northwest Network of Bi, Trans, Lesbian
and Gay Survivors of Abuse – www.nwnetwork.org
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